I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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