You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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