Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
