Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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