i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
