Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
