woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
