The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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