we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
