can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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