good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
