It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
