What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
