what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
