Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
