I faked an abortion last night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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