Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
