cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
