I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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