sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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