end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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