so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
