Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
