It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
