it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
