I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We're too hungover to prance.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
