A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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