Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
