I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
