One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
