i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
