white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
