hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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