I'm eating all of the evidence.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
