the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize