No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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