people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
