My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
