Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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