Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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