just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
