I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
