dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
