My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
