its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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