At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
