We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
