Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
