its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
