Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So many bounce houses so little time
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
