last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
