it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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