were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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