So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i think i just lost a toe
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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