My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
