So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
