I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
