Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
