i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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