In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
