She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
