i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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