I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
