wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It was confusing and full of hummus
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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