i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
