yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
